Ugly women plus expensive clothes still equals roadkill

As I nursed my beer at the start of the night I was forced to converse with some mates girlfriends, it was not how I planned my night to begin. There are many things to explain this, much of which I will detail at a later date but lets just state they all have "shit-chat". The conversation lurched from one catatonic subject to another and eventually landed on Sarah Jessica Parker of Sex and the City. The girls had watched the DVD boxset recently and were commentating on how pretty she was, well they were until I guffawed. You see SJP is a divisive public figure, on one hand all women think she is of supermodel quality, on the other all sane men think she looks like a horse, which really is a disservice to horses the world over, even the retarded ones.

I was immediately flanked by the Kir Royale guzzling vultures, why oh why would I think she is ugly I was asked. I clearly made the point that they focused on the clothes that she wore, rather than the shroom nosed goblin inside them, that it made them feel better to think that if they had a bit of cash and a personal stylist they too could be the toast of Manhattan or whatever irrelevant backwater they came from. Slanting of the eyes and icy stares were the order of the day so I placed my beer on the table and announced 'Listen, if Cheryl Cole was dressed in a binbag she would still be hot, if I put you in a black binbag I would wheel you out on Thursdays'. Pointing to each one of them individually as I made this last statement was probably my downfall, either way I was saved by the arrival of their better halves...

So the main point I was trying to make was that clothes can make a woman look slightly better, modestly attractive even but at the end of the day if you have a forehead that can pick up satellite and a nose that has two post codes there is just not a lot you can do.